It’s on a need to know basis

Blata Cafe in Istanbul with woman reaching up to many colourful umbrellas lining up above with text on screen reading learn to be ok with people not knowing your side of the story and remember it's ok to live a life that people don't understand in fact I would highly encourage it
Photo of me at Balat Cafe in Fenner district of Istanbul, Turkey October 2021

A POEM

I spent a lot of my life trying to explain my actions

However everything magnetizes to me like I’m an attraction 

Everything’s always been quite extreme

Carrying, varying bags so full they burst at the seems

Once I’ve learned it I grow stagnant…. 

I want it all won’t settle for a fragment 

I’m such an extrovert 

I want to share every new thing I learn with every person I meet….

Yet I’m also such an introvert I need to retreat 

I’ve always had an appetite for life 

and I need to eat

My feet need to meet with the beat of the street 

You cannot learn to the level I seek by remaining still and accepting meek

allowing time to slip by…

second by second

week by week…

I went to write the caption to this post and the above pondering poem came out so I will just leave it right there. Followed with this flow of thought below…

No matter how beautiful the words or the ways you may try to explain things some people will just never understand your life style, life choices, career ambitions or even travel desires. Trust me I used to be the master of ‘if I just say it in a different way they will understand….maybe I’m not communicating effectively’…but it’s not always about how you ‘phrase it’… And you know what that’s ok. Not everyone needs to get it. You shouldn’t feel that you need to explain or justify your choices or actions except to communicate with the people you deem important in your life. And even then it may not go as planned or as you’d hoped. This may sound funny coming from me…a blogger..someone who tends to put and leave it all out there, however I have been selective in my sharing and the timings of doing so. And I do this as much for me to understand possibly even more so…

I’ve made some big moves this past year and parts of me have wanted even at times needed for people to understand my actions, to support them, so I could feel supported and seen. Often times the process that is most challenging comes with a type of solitude…that then leads to a gratitude and then a shift in attitude as a new life and tribe starts to blossom around you. It’s part of the process. We need to be unsupported at times in life to better learn to support and lean into ourselves. There is so much growth and clarity to be found there.

The universe is hitting me hard with some cold hard truths about myself and it feels like I’ve had a bucket of cold water thrown on my head… call it a wake up call… a call to action… a higher frequency vibe that it’s time to find the tribe….I started this journey with a knowing in my soul…I’m awake and motivated. I’m experiencing and living in a way I never have before … and I’m writing more…

Maybe I’m still simply meant to wander… and ponder… even further yonder.

Balat Cafe sign in Istanbul with trees and beautiful colourful umbrellas lining up above with a woman reaching high up to touch them although they are out of reach as she leans on a blue old wheel barrel full of chopped wood
Wandering and pondering at the Balat Cafe, Istanbul October 2021

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