Category: Relationships

It’s on a need to know basis

Blata Cafe in Istanbul with woman reaching up to many colourful umbrellas lining up above with text on screen reading learn to be ok with people not knowing your side of the story and remember it's ok to live a life that people don't understand in fact I would highly encourage it
Photo of me at Balat Cafe in Fenner district of Istanbul, Turkey October 2021

A POEM

I spent a lot of my life trying to explain my actions

However everything magnetizes to me like I’m an attraction 

Everything’s always been quite extreme

Carrying, varying bags so full they burst at the seems

Once I’ve learned it I grow stagnant…. 

I want it all won’t settle for a fragment 

I’m such an extrovert 

I want to share every new thing I learn with every person I meet….

Yet I’m also such an introvert I need to retreat 

I’ve always had an appetite for life 

and I need to eat

My feet need to meet with the beat of the street 

You cannot learn to the level I seek by remaining still and accepting meek

allowing time to slip by…

second by second

week by week…

I went to write the caption to this post and the above pondering poem came out so I will just leave it right there. Followed with this flow of thought below…

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Create the mess

Couple man and woman holding a slab with with pottery that they made with clay on their hands showing what they created with 3 bowls in a rustic pottery class room both smiling with the text backwards dress hot mess hell yes and I created none the less on the image
Leon and I in Merida, Mexico taking our first pottery class through Airbnb Experiences in June 2021

I woke up one morning in June with an inner knowing I had to take a pottery class. To fully embrace and to help me to understand the lessons of the Creator and the creation. This is something I’ve been researching for a book and program I’m putting together.

When you sit at the potters wheel you need to take great care.  You need to give much attention to detail. Just the right amount of water. Keep the wheel spinning at just the right pace. Taking care with the pressure as just the slightest move can make the pot unbalanced and have it tumble over. 

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Make big moves

Arundel Castle rose garden woman with dark hair in pony tail posed leaning on a sundial surrounded by big beautiful fascia coloured roses with the castle in full view behind
Striking a pose at the sun dial at Arundel Castle in the Rose Garden May 2019

I spent almost a month in England, twice, with Leon prior to his big move to Canada in October 2019, I’m keen to return to the castles, churches, history and my families home land.  I’m first generation born Canadian.

I’ve always been obsessed with castles and architecture ….Arundel Castle (in the first photo) is one of my all time favourites… the rose garden smelled like heavenly bliss. 🌸🌸

I’ve been to London, Manchester, Stone Henge, York and the Yorkshire Dales (we took a ride on the old steam train 🚂), visited Whitby the birth place and inspiration behind Bram Stokers Dracula and Bath.

Stone Henge on a cloudy day with green grass and upper torso of woman with dark hair in ponytail with a pink coat posed standing in front of the Stone Henge
Stonehenge, England September 2019

The last time we were in England we were packing things up, getting affairs settled, settling tenants, saying good bye to family etc. on top of country hopping through Europe to squeeze in a last road trip while Leon had his car.

I remember at the time all of the feelings I had of trepidation and pressure with the move. THIS was a BIG move. If we had difficulties with our relationship etc there was no where for Leon to go if I needed to establish boundaries for me and the kiddos. (blending a family is hard even under the most convenient circumstances) Leon was giving up everything (yet also gaining everything 🥰).

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It’s not always so easy to forget

How am I so forgetful? Yet I always seen to remember you.  The one thing I want to forget.  Woman with dark hair wearing a black lace shirt with a smirk on her face
A piece I wrote back in 2019 (posted on my instagram)

I never ever thought there would come a time that I would get over my ex let alone find someone who could be as kind, romantic, playful and gentle.  I felt like no one could ever ‘fill his shoes’ the bar had been set pretty high… and it wouldn’t even be fair to anyone to attempt a relationship.  The few times I tried I ended things quickly just feeling discouraged.  I considered myself lucky to had even had the opportunity to have a love like I had with my ex. 

I felt these things and this way because I wasn’t yet fully healed.

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Want to see a major shift in your life? Try replacing “I’m sorry” with “Thank you”.

Want to see a major shift in your life? Try replacing "I'm sorry" with "Thank you" woman kneeling and thinking in Istanbul, Turkey Balat district
Photo taken in November 2021 in the Balat/Fener district of Istanbul, Turkey

I don’t know if it’s an over all Canadian thing….being from the land of bumping into car doors and apologizing… lol but some how I became that “I’m sorry” person.  It came as a surprise to me as most of my younger life you’d be hard pressed to hear me apologize for anything.  But eventually I chose to learn about both accountability and forgiveness.  But here’s the thing, sometimes we can end up swaying too far and become over accountable. 

But too much apologizing also leads to a negative mindset of self…a self blame mentality…and even a hyper focus on self. 

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I sold everything and moved to Mexico to slow travel as a digital nomad. Life update

Well I think you’ll need to grab a drink, get comfy and settle in, it’s been a long time since I’ve updated on my life and status on this blog! There is so much to share about my personal journey and the changes that have gone on over the past few years.

Woman with curly black hair with black and white striped summer dress smiling standing on the deck of the Royal Caribbean Symphony of the Seas Cruiseship with water in the background and landscape in the far distance
On the Symphony of the Seas – Mediteranen Cruise through France, Italy and Spain in 2018

From heart break and the break down of my marriage to the journey of finding freedom and personal independence being single, traveling Europe on a solo trip to then meeting the love of my life a fellow poet from the other side of the globe (England) and a whirlwind romance spanning many countries….from our first, month long date starting in Sydney, Australia with a Royal Caribbean cruise ending with us in England and spanning 6 countries. We got engaged at Aphrodites Rock in Cyprus four months after we started talking and celebrated it in Paris, France. It’s been so magical and rather apt for two poets I’d say.

Photo collage of room and views from the Columbia Beach Resort in Cyprus.
Photo collage of our stay at the Columbia Beach Resort in Cyprus after our engagement at Aphrodites Rock on June 7th 2019

However I’m not going to get into all of that just yet…but I wanted to share part of what’s been going on in my life to demonstarate the huge role that travel and FINALLY being able to explore the culture and history on this vast planet has made on me and my life.

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Cohesion

Oh the great debate…
I love getting inspired by blog posts.
I happened upon this post today What’s good for the Soul do that and as I started to comment I realized that maybe I should start a discussion and  create a post rather than take up a page worth of his comment section!  The post is about racism, understanding, cultural differences and acceptance.  Below is what I hoped to post in his comment section in response to his post.

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There is beauty in all things even in the people that appear to have no beauty.  Even in those who exude hatred.  There is a beauty with in them that is very hard to see and understand.  It is complicated and requires much time to untangle the actions and moments of their experience in life. Ignorance is such a complicated issue.  Society, culture, family, history and experience combine to create belief systems and thought patterns that many people are unaware they even possess. Continue reading

Hand in hand

Image

I walk and wait

My state

Of mind

Blank

Drowning (in my own fears)

Frowning (the lost years)

The birth

Of new life

Crowning

Rooms away

Reminders of a different day

Full of cries of life

Not anguish and strife

Tears pooling my eyes

I dare not blink

I want the tears to dry

For I fear if I cry

Let a single tear drop

My heart may just stop

Along with yours

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