Tagged: blog

It’s on a need to know basis

Blata Cafe in Istanbul with woman reaching up to many colourful umbrellas lining up above with text on screen reading learn to be ok with people not knowing your side of the story and remember it's ok to live a life that people don't understand in fact I would highly encourage it
Photo of me at Balat Cafe in Fenner district of Istanbul, Turkey October 2021

A POEM

I spent a lot of my life trying to explain my actions

However everything magnetizes to me like I’m an attraction 

Everything’s always been quite extreme

Carrying, varying bags so full they burst at the seems

Once I’ve learned it I grow stagnant…. 

I want it all won’t settle for a fragment 

I’m such an extrovert 

I want to share every new thing I learn with every person I meet….

Yet I’m also such an introvert I need to retreat 

I’ve always had an appetite for life 

and I need to eat

My feet need to meet with the beat of the street 

You cannot learn to the level I seek by remaining still and accepting meek

allowing time to slip by…

second by second

week by week…

I went to write the caption to this post and the above pondering poem came out so I will just leave it right there. Followed with this flow of thought below…

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Re: Write

woman with dark hair sitting on old wood desk in John Ryland Library with shelves with a poem on the image
Photo of me in John Rylands Library in Manchester, England 2019

I feel things. 

Deeply.

I always have. 

Maybe it’s because I’m a scorpio. 

Maybe it’s just me. 

Maybe it is part of my destiny?

I have also had to learn to release things.

I have had to learn to release my grip on life and people.

Release things that no longer serve me and my higher good. 

I don’t always know what that is but I know my soul does.

Sometimes the release is a good cry.

Sometimes it’s making wild love. (Also scorpio in me)

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Speak of the Things you Seek

Palace of Versailles back garden area woman laying on stone fence infront of the lake and gardens area wearing an orange shirt with light blue short pants with dark hair in a bun looking out to the garden with text on image saying speak of the things you seek
Photo of me in the Palace of Versailles gardens in June 2019

There is much power in verbally expressing your hopes, dreams, desires and goals. 

When we are young we naturally talk about our hopes for our lives – I want to be a pilot…. I will be this…. I will do that is part of daily conversations but somewhere down the life path we seem to stop stating these dreams and fantasies. Maybe it’s because we feel that we need to ‘grow up’ and face the facts and live in the ‘real world’…. how many times have we heard these kinds of statements through out our lives?  And truthfully have you bought into that?

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Create the mess

Couple man and woman holding a slab with with pottery that they made with clay on their hands showing what they created with 3 bowls in a rustic pottery class room both smiling with the text backwards dress hot mess hell yes and I created none the less on the image
Leon and I in Merida, Mexico taking our first pottery class through Airbnb Experiences in June 2021

I woke up one morning in June with an inner knowing I had to take a pottery class. To fully embrace and to help me to understand the lessons of the Creator and the creation. This is something I’ve been researching for a book and program I’m putting together.

When you sit at the potters wheel you need to take great care.  You need to give much attention to detail. Just the right amount of water. Keep the wheel spinning at just the right pace. Taking care with the pressure as just the slightest move can make the pot unbalanced and have it tumble over. 

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Make big moves

Arundel Castle rose garden woman with dark hair in pony tail posed leaning on a sundial surrounded by big beautiful fascia coloured roses with the castle in full view behind
Striking a pose at the sun dial at Arundel Castle in the Rose Garden May 2019

I spent almost a month in England, twice, with Leon prior to his big move to Canada in October 2019, I’m keen to return to the castles, churches, history and my families home land.  I’m first generation born Canadian.

I’ve always been obsessed with castles and architecture ….Arundel Castle (in the first photo) is one of my all time favourites… the rose garden smelled like heavenly bliss. 🌸🌸

I’ve been to London, Manchester, Stone Henge, York and the Yorkshire Dales (we took a ride on the old steam train 🚂), visited Whitby the birth place and inspiration behind Bram Stokers Dracula and Bath.

Stone Henge on a cloudy day with green grass and upper torso of woman with dark hair in ponytail with a pink coat posed standing in front of the Stone Henge
Stonehenge, England September 2019

The last time we were in England we were packing things up, getting affairs settled, settling tenants, saying good bye to family etc. on top of country hopping through Europe to squeeze in a last road trip while Leon had his car.

I remember at the time all of the feelings I had of trepidation and pressure with the move. THIS was a BIG move. If we had difficulties with our relationship etc there was no where for Leon to go if I needed to establish boundaries for me and the kiddos. (blending a family is hard even under the most convenient circumstances) Leon was giving up everything (yet also gaining everything 🥰).

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It’s not always so easy to forget

How am I so forgetful? Yet I always seen to remember you.  The one thing I want to forget.  Woman with dark hair wearing a black lace shirt with a smirk on her face
A piece I wrote back in 2019 (posted on my instagram)

I never ever thought there would come a time that I would get over my ex let alone find someone who could be as kind, romantic, playful and gentle.  I felt like no one could ever ‘fill his shoes’ the bar had been set pretty high… and it wouldn’t even be fair to anyone to attempt a relationship.  The few times I tried I ended things quickly just feeling discouraged.  I considered myself lucky to had even had the opportunity to have a love like I had with my ex. 

I felt these things and this way because I wasn’t yet fully healed.

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Want to see a major shift in your life? Try replacing “I’m sorry” with “Thank you”.

Want to see a major shift in your life? Try replacing "I'm sorry" with "Thank you" woman kneeling and thinking in Istanbul, Turkey Balat district
Photo taken in November 2021 in the Balat/Fener district of Istanbul, Turkey

I don’t know if it’s an over all Canadian thing….being from the land of bumping into car doors and apologizing… lol but some how I became that “I’m sorry” person.  It came as a surprise to me as most of my younger life you’d be hard pressed to hear me apologize for anything.  But eventually I chose to learn about both accountability and forgiveness.  But here’s the thing, sometimes we can end up swaying too far and become over accountable. 

But too much apologizing also leads to a negative mindset of self…a self blame mentality…and even a hyper focus on self. 

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Glossy

It’s been a while….

magazine, nails, woman, hand, fashion, poetry, thoughts,

Glossy

She learns how to become a cook

How to become a runner

Promises on how to become a better lover

All from just skimming the cover…

She falls for it

She tumbles

Stumbling on the shoestrings

Of her sneakers

That in reality,
just make her meeker

And….shall I even say

Bleaker?

Like a beacon

Of society that says

Here I am…

Look at me

I take notice

I read the cover Continue reading

Suppressed

water dance, woman, dancing, wet, dress, white dress, splash, confident

Suppressed

She drifted there

Buoyantly alone

The water gently caressing the known

Carrying her down the suppressed river

Recollections of her life made her shiver

She arose from her reverie,

Her backside wet from dismay

Her river of tears on display Continue reading