Tagged: love

It’s on a need to know basis

Blata Cafe in Istanbul with woman reaching up to many colourful umbrellas lining up above with text on screen reading learn to be ok with people not knowing your side of the story and remember it's ok to live a life that people don't understand in fact I would highly encourage it
Photo of me at Balat Cafe in Fenner district of Istanbul, Turkey October 2021

A POEM

I spent a lot of my life trying to explain my actions

However everything magnetizes to me like I’m an attraction 

Everything’s always been quite extreme

Carrying, varying bags so full they burst at the seems

Once I’ve learned it I grow stagnant…. 

I want it all won’t settle for a fragment 

I’m such an extrovert 

I want to share every new thing I learn with every person I meet….

Yet I’m also such an introvert I need to retreat 

I’ve always had an appetite for life 

and I need to eat

My feet need to meet with the beat of the street 

You cannot learn to the level I seek by remaining still and accepting meek

allowing time to slip by…

second by second

week by week…

I went to write the caption to this post and the above pondering poem came out so I will just leave it right there. Followed with this flow of thought below…

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Re: Write

woman with dark hair sitting on old wood desk in John Ryland Library with shelves with a poem on the image
Photo of me in John Rylands Library in Manchester, England 2019

I feel things. 

Deeply.

I always have. 

Maybe it’s because I’m a scorpio. 

Maybe it’s just me. 

Maybe it is part of my destiny?

I have also had to learn to release things.

I have had to learn to release my grip on life and people.

Release things that no longer serve me and my higher good. 

I don’t always know what that is but I know my soul does.

Sometimes the release is a good cry.

Sometimes it’s making wild love. (Also scorpio in me)

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Make big moves

Arundel Castle rose garden woman with dark hair in pony tail posed leaning on a sundial surrounded by big beautiful fascia coloured roses with the castle in full view behind
Striking a pose at the sun dial at Arundel Castle in the Rose Garden May 2019

I spent almost a month in England, twice, with Leon prior to his big move to Canada in October 2019, I’m keen to return to the castles, churches, history and my families home land.  I’m first generation born Canadian.

I’ve always been obsessed with castles and architecture ….Arundel Castle (in the first photo) is one of my all time favourites… the rose garden smelled like heavenly bliss. 🌸🌸

I’ve been to London, Manchester, Stone Henge, York and the Yorkshire Dales (we took a ride on the old steam train 🚂), visited Whitby the birth place and inspiration behind Bram Stokers Dracula and Bath.

Stone Henge on a cloudy day with green grass and upper torso of woman with dark hair in ponytail with a pink coat posed standing in front of the Stone Henge
Stonehenge, England September 2019

The last time we were in England we were packing things up, getting affairs settled, settling tenants, saying good bye to family etc. on top of country hopping through Europe to squeeze in a last road trip while Leon had his car.

I remember at the time all of the feelings I had of trepidation and pressure with the move. THIS was a BIG move. If we had difficulties with our relationship etc there was no where for Leon to go if I needed to establish boundaries for me and the kiddos. (blending a family is hard even under the most convenient circumstances) Leon was giving up everything (yet also gaining everything 🥰).

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It’s not always so easy to forget

How am I so forgetful? Yet I always seen to remember you.  The one thing I want to forget.  Woman with dark hair wearing a black lace shirt with a smirk on her face
A piece I wrote back in 2019 (posted on my instagram)

I never ever thought there would come a time that I would get over my ex let alone find someone who could be as kind, romantic, playful and gentle.  I felt like no one could ever ‘fill his shoes’ the bar had been set pretty high… and it wouldn’t even be fair to anyone to attempt a relationship.  The few times I tried I ended things quickly just feeling discouraged.  I considered myself lucky to had even had the opportunity to have a love like I had with my ex. 

I felt these things and this way because I wasn’t yet fully healed.

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I Heal

How-to-Heal-a-Broken-Heart1

 

It’s been thirteen years,

It was a year that

I realized my fears

A year that I thought

I may drown in my own tears

The memory of it

Remains seared

On my heart

burned so deep

I’m charred

Branded

I felt abandoned

And Scarred Continue reading

Cohesion

Oh the great debate…
I love getting inspired by blog posts.
I happened upon this post today What’s good for the Soul do that and as I started to comment I realized that maybe I should start a discussion and  create a post rather than take up a page worth of his comment section!  The post is about racism, understanding, cultural differences and acceptance.  Below is what I hoped to post in his comment section in response to his post.

Image

There is beauty in all things even in the people that appear to have no beauty.  Even in those who exude hatred.  There is a beauty with in them that is very hard to see and understand.  It is complicated and requires much time to untangle the actions and moments of their experience in life. Ignorance is such a complicated issue.  Society, culture, family, history and experience combine to create belief systems and thought patterns that many people are unaware they even possess. Continue reading

Hand in hand

Image

I walk and wait

My state

Of mind

Blank

Drowning (in my own fears)

Frowning (the lost years)

The birth

Of new life

Crowning

Rooms away

Reminders of a different day

Full of cries of life

Not anguish and strife

Tears pooling my eyes

I dare not blink

I want the tears to dry

For I fear if I cry

Let a single tear drop

My heart may just stop

Along with yours

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