The night falls and my heart stalls
To an altered beat
The rhythm changing to meet my sleep
That is tormented while I weep
A sacred trust
Combined with lust
That is dull
No longer lustered
My emotions flustered
In my head
In my bed
Replaying everything you said
My dreams and visions
Cut open like incisions
With steady handed precision
I bleed you out
Jennifer David 2013
*This is the first time that I could not think of a title for my poem. Any ideas? If so leave them in the comment box and I will select one from there…thanks!*
Almost would suggest ‘Heart of Memories’ but that is the feeling I get when reading this beautiful but painful/sad poem.
Thank you for your idea!
“Night Sweats” is my vote. Poignant, Jennifer. (=
Thank you Jim!
Rhythms? Very evocative…thank you for liking my poem by the way, it was so quick! That’s my first ever post so thank you for the response : )
My pleasure. Best of luck with your blog!
Thank you! I meant “Rhythms” as a potential title by the way, or something to do with it maybe..food for thought maybe! : ) x
What about : I Bleed You Out
It is such a strong, evocative line and, for me, sums the poem up.
Poignant, lovely poem.
Thank you Christine.
I like it!
The line: I bleed you out, impacted me. Maybe that should be the title.
Arrhythmia. Bleeding Heart. Expel.
Oh I like arrythmia!
I agree with this one. That line stuck with me as well.
I love it too. My only concern is that the line will not have as much impact if it is the title…
That’s true. Hmmm…-thinks-
I thought of that. My only concern is that it catches you at the end and leaves you with something you didn’t anticipate in the beginning. My worry is that if I title the poem after it, it may not have as much of an impact!….
“Sentient Decay” An emotional decline of sorts.
I like that Johnny
Theres a line from a song I really like that its about the feeling of a worthless relationship, and it goes:
“Im gonna stop wasting my time…”.
Dont know if it would fit, I guess it depends on what the character feels more about.
That’s a fitting title.. 🙂
Love the rhythm and rhyme in this poem – title? ‘ Soul Hurt’ ‘Soul Pain’ ‘Alone Again’ ….Good luck!
I like Soul Pain..
I loved the line ‘I bleed you out’ too. Maybe that could be the title, or perhaps ‘scalpel’…
Oh Scalpel is good!
I bleed you out is suppose to be the ‘power’ line. I don’t think it will be as effective if you read it in the title…that’s why I was stuck…it was what I wanted to call it actually! 🙂
Yes a good point if, you give away the last line at the beginning it will dilute it. It’s wonderful so you wouldn’t want to do that.
Tears of Red.. tears from a bl;eeding heart.
Heart of memory as i mentioned earlier because the that what you tried to erase started with a loving heart. that created memories.
the purge, emptying the heart.
Hi Jennifer 🙂
How about: ‘Cold Sheets?’
Oh I like that too Joseph!
Making it tough for you 😉 lol
Thanks for stopping by The Cracked Chronicles. No title ideas here, but I loved the rhythm in the words of this poem when I spoke it out loud!
Thank you for taking the time to comment I appreciate it!
Yes, I am a fan of spoken word. I always speak out my poems after I write them and if I don’t ‘feel’ the flow or break I start over/tweak it!
I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Perhaps a title will take away from the meaning of the poem. Emily Dickinson was known for typically leaving her poems untitled. The ones that were titled, were often done so by others.
Beautiful and painful. So few words eloquently tell the story. HOw about Cruxifiction of a Heart?
Thanks for stopping by my blog. 🙂 I look forward to reading more from you.
Thank you. Welcome 🙂
Love this Blog, only one thought for a title ……the silence of the room, only in the room, in my thoughts, beautiful noises
Thats a bit deep though
Thank you for your recommendations! Great ideas.
Thank you for your kind words about my blog, I appreciate it.
You may like my book if you like my writings…just an idea!
This is one well written poem. Guiding us through to this wonderful peak of sadness in your line “I bleed you out”. If you, the poet, couldn’t give a name to this beautiful poem, maybe it is meant to be untitled. And all your future readers would have to discover the soul of this poem by reading through each line like all of us has by now… with no shortcuts that may dampen the effect it now has.