Under Cut
She lays there and wonders
As she plays with the knife
Why she plunders with worry and strife
It pounds at her like thunder
As she lays under
Her life
Unable to see the lightening that follows
Shinning momentary light on the way
She is hollow
All she hears is the thunder
As she lays under
Her life
© Jennifer David 2013
Writings of a Mrs 
Irregular rhyme scheme works well on this one. I think substitute plunder in line 3 with wonders again would have positive effect on poem.
Thank you for your thoughts Carl.
I love irregular rhyme!
Love this one…speaks to my darker, more vulnerable side…BTW, thanks for following and liking my blog. Itty.
My pleasure Itty.
I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
“All she hears is the thunder
As she lays under
Her life”
… amazing ending! Well done.
Thank you Noora.
I’m glad you enjoyed.
Yes! This is so atmospheric. I can feel, hear, taste the electricity of the gathering storm!
I’m glad you enjoyed this poem.
First one I’ve read in a while – sorry. Enjoyed it as ever. Hope all well with you? 🙂
I haven’t been around much this summer.
I’m glad you enjoyed the poem.
All is very well with me. How are you and yours?
Yes, not too bad thanks. Just getting back into the blog etc.. myself now that school has started again. 🙂
“She is hollow.”
completely empty but with a knife
very dark. nice.
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
Dark indeed.
Hi 🙂 I nominated you for a Award 🙂
HI Nicki.
You did? For which Award? Greatly appreciated.
Jennifer
the Versatile Blogger award 🙂 just check out my blog 🙂
That was sad and lovely.
Thank you. That’s what I was going for.
Jennifer
Dark, concise, and very well worded… I get the feeling of suicide from this, and entering into something completely unknown “Unable to see the lightning that follows….. Momentary lighting along the way” ….. to? Eternity, nothingness, Afterlife? Who knows…. An incredibly sad and most complicated subject… Well written.
Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts John. Suicide is indeed a rampant issue in our day and age.
‘Cutting’ is also a major issue with young people.
I’ve never struggled with either of these issues personally so to hear that you can be ‘taken there’ through my words is most humbling.
Again thanks for sharing and take good care,
Jennifer
That first stanza really felt nice.
“She lays there and wonders
As she plays with the knife
Why she plunders with worry and strife
It pounds at her like thunder
As she lays under
Her life”
The rhyme scheme just made much more brilliant thanks for sharing. Not to mention those dark thoughts when we are going through it. As we lay under life again brilliant word choice.
Thank you so much. I appreciate your kind words.
Cheers,
Jennifer
Reblogged this on Keptmeprisoner.
Great poem.
Thank you so much!
Quite interesting – I liked the rhyming scheme. Fun to read- not a fun topic though.
laying under her life… i think there were moments in my life that felt just like that.. it’s not an easy place to be for sure..hope she doesn’t use that knife, you know..
she lays under her life….nice repetition of that…but what a life as well…this comes off rather heavy feeling but relatable as well…i have been to the hollow place…
Very nice. I can see a lot went into both the writing and formatting of this poem. I hope it all ends well. Thanks for sharing.
This is an amazing poem. I like the way it seems to swell and fade with each of the two stanzas (At least that is how I saw them, as two separate stanzas). In a way it mirrors the pulse of a storm. The imagery of hearing thunder but not seeing the lightning is pretty spectacular. Like she is drowning in troubles, but cant see the moments of hope. Anyway that is a lot to say, and it is just my take on it. All that to say, I really enjoyed this poem.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
You read the poem well!
Cheers!
Jennifer